belovéd mother
i can't begin to tell you how often i think of you. it's strange to me because as i rest my head at night i consider that i've never really known you, never saw you in the light i often fantasized about... where i see us happy. you weren't the first person i thought of each day i woke and you weren't the last before i slept; there wasn't the slightest fragment of you rested in my heart at the time. i need you to know it was all for the way i held my anger. i clenched onto it so defiantly i couldn't lay it to rest because i was haunted by the deficient way you let me be born... and i hated you for that. but i honestly try to take comfort in knowing all things happen for a reason in spite of myself. there are things i'm thankful for: i want to thank you for giving me a fighting chance at life. for my older sister without whom i'd never have survived the ordeal of a rough childhood. for ever being YOU regardless of the lifestyle you fell into while you were here (this one makes me believe your strength is my own). for holding us, your children, as close to you as you held God and never forgetting we were out there (i discovered how you wrote our names in your bible at your funeral). for your love (because no matter the severity of my bitterness you'd always accept me). i'm 32 and just now beginning to realize how stupid i've been. i'm sorry for calling you a drunk when i should have only called you a queen... forgive me. you've taught me so much more than you'll ever know. i've learned that even when you're not raised by your natural mother you can never escape the way she can mold you. i love you mom. i pray you've found the peace you've so desperately struggled to find in life.
your eldest son,
Robert E. Anderson
P.S
the valentine card you made me while you were in prison rests in my heart. i know that poem so well.
i can't begin to tell you how often i think of you. it's strange to me because as i rest my head at night i consider that i've never really known you, never saw you in the light i often fantasized about... where i see us happy. you weren't the first person i thought of each day i woke and you weren't the last before i slept; there wasn't the slightest fragment of you rested in my heart at the time. i need you to know it was all for the way i held my anger. i clenched onto it so defiantly i couldn't lay it to rest because i was haunted by the deficient way you let me be born... and i hated you for that. but i honestly try to take comfort in knowing all things happen for a reason in spite of myself. there are things i'm thankful for: i want to thank you for giving me a fighting chance at life. for my older sister without whom i'd never have survived the ordeal of a rough childhood. for ever being YOU regardless of the lifestyle you fell into while you were here (this one makes me believe your strength is my own). for holding us, your children, as close to you as you held God and never forgetting we were out there (i discovered how you wrote our names in your bible at your funeral). for your love (because no matter the severity of my bitterness you'd always accept me). i'm 32 and just now beginning to realize how stupid i've been. i'm sorry for calling you a drunk when i should have only called you a queen... forgive me. you've taught me so much more than you'll ever know. i've learned that even when you're not raised by your natural mother you can never escape the way she can mold you. i love you mom. i pray you've found the peace you've so desperately struggled to find in life.
your eldest son,
Robert E. Anderson
P.S
the valentine card you made me while you were in prison rests in my heart. i know that poem so well.
Author Notes: Related Links:
“Forgiveness is the key that unlocks
the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is a power that breaks the
chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.” --William Arthur
Ward
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