belovéd mother
i can't begin to tell you how often i think of you. it's strange to me because as i rest my head at night i consider that i've never really known you, never saw you in the light i often fantasized about... where i see us happy. you weren't the first person i thought of each day i woke and you weren't the last before i slept; there wasn't the slightest fragment of you rested in my heart at the time. i need you to know it was all for the way i held my anger. i clenched onto it so defiantly i couldn't lay it to rest because i was haunted by the deficient way you let me be born... and i hated you for that. but i honestly try to take comfort in knowing all things happen for a reason in spite of myself. there are things i'm thankful for: i want to thank you for giving me a fighting chance at life. for my older sister without whom i'd never have survived the ordeal of a rough childhood. for ever being YOU regardless of the lifestyle you fell into while you were here (this one makes me believe your strength is my own). for holding us, your children, as close to you as you held God and never forgetting we were out there (i discovered how you wrote our names in your bible at your funeral). for your love (because no matter the severity of my bitterness you'd always accept me). i'm 32 and just now beginning to realize how stupid i've been. i'm sorry for calling you a drunk when i should have only called you a queen... forgive me. you've taught me so much more than you'll ever know. i've learned that even when you're not raised by your natural mother you can never escape the way she can mold you. i love you mom. i pray you've found the peace you've so desperately struggled to find in life.
your eldest son,
Robert E. Anderson
P.S
the valentine card you made me while you were in prison rests in my heart. i know that poem so well.
i can't begin to tell you how often i think of you. it's strange to me because as i rest my head at night i consider that i've never really known you, never saw you in the light i often fantasized about... where i see us happy. you weren't the first person i thought of each day i woke and you weren't the last before i slept; there wasn't the slightest fragment of you rested in my heart at the time. i need you to know it was all for the way i held my anger. i clenched onto it so defiantly i couldn't lay it to rest because i was haunted by the deficient way you let me be born... and i hated you for that. but i honestly try to take comfort in knowing all things happen for a reason in spite of myself. there are things i'm thankful for: i want to thank you for giving me a fighting chance at life. for my older sister without whom i'd never have survived the ordeal of a rough childhood. for ever being YOU regardless of the lifestyle you fell into while you were here (this one makes me believe your strength is my own). for holding us, your children, as close to you as you held God and never forgetting we were out there (i discovered how you wrote our names in your bible at your funeral). for your love (because no matter the severity of my bitterness you'd always accept me). i'm 32 and just now beginning to realize how stupid i've been. i'm sorry for calling you a drunk when i should have only called you a queen... forgive me. you've taught me so much more than you'll ever know. i've learned that even when you're not raised by your natural mother you can never escape the way she can mold you. i love you mom. i pray you've found the peace you've so desperately struggled to find in life.
your eldest son,
Robert E. Anderson
P.S
the valentine card you made me while you were in prison rests in my heart. i know that poem so well.
Author Notes: Related Links:
“Forgiveness is the key that unlocks
the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is a power that breaks the
chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.” --William Arthur
Ward
Popular Posts
-
My belovéd I am within a void if not with the inspiration of your soul, without the very essence that is you. I have only recently discov...
-
beyond grave sites that once called my name and eerie whispers had kept me so in direction of the very baring of a cross unveiled through ...
-
while this remains in me throughout each day my chosen words had not once yet expressed nor touched upon the things i wish to say i... -
oh, am i still who you'll think of when days remind you, dear; when i am gone, gone far away to have you wish me nea...
-
I miss the one who painted this for me Who told me tales of how it came to be That car she said belonged to my old man It spun ...
-
i sense tragedy in my soul i know, i know we were meant to be and yet i'm so damn vacant and oblivious that you would have ne...
-
there is an image of this girl within my heart who once embraced me when i was a teen i cared for her when dreams would conjure as an ar... -
a soul inside this fukked up skin from where no one sees beyond fear is nothing and love is alwayz seeked but no one knows inside ... -
a single breath weaves a thousand lies bore by the truth as all your dreams still linger of his breath. oh, i'm grazing... grazing...
-
i veil the windows to my soul then a vague, vague kiss greets my lips it touches soft, beautiful and dark the night enshrouds me...
.png "English"){kind=small}
No comments:
Post a Comment