empirical shadows and beautiful light

i walk through the dark
maggots at my bare feet
searching for a foreign love
as though at sometime
your beacon would shine

but no, no, no
there isn't dream, nor breath, nor heart
only this...
darkness

'where are you?' whispers
my soul

i have walked through death
and learned to scatter the shards
left by my pasts
lashing tongue;
how it spoke so viciously
and pained

life had recited to me
of things that i always knew
inside
where my vagueness lurks
and true beauty dies

so, where are you?

do you sense me searching,
searching for that prayer i wailed
to heaven a many time,
and many a place
far easier then
than it could ever be
now?

and oh, maybe i failed you,
maybe in past lives when i sensed
you knew me as
one who could hold courage enough...
oh, yes, yes  just enough

but am i?
have i been one who blindly sought to please
when pleasure wasn't meant to be
thought of nor ever known?
you and i sitting in that old cafe
together yet so,
so alone

it was then i learned one thing
i could absolutely hold higher
than my stupid pie in the sky:
you're numb and i hate you.

so, just where in the hell
are you?