empirical shadows and beautiful light

i will remember that
you taught me,
with the fragrance you left
lingering upon
my pillow,
the soothing taste
your innocence
could course
as we mingled
our bodies carelessly
to the feel
of a thousand nights before.
and i taught you,
for the ways
i shared my secrets,
the deep expressions
the moon could illuminate
and shadow
against
the softness
of your face.
but without you,
i place beneath my eyes
the resonating depth
your memory haunts
and unknowing how
to let go.      

you were September in my mind,
awaiting the pale glow of winter's hollow touch
as I foolishly tried to drift my heart away --
away, away, quietly away, yes
where the vacancy between the seasons
would always haunt me.

it was then I tried distorting myself,
drew from my mind a notion I hoped
would bring me ease and ripen
my soul into something
you could never have.

I wandered off and carried you closely with me
yes, far off into a distant land,
foreign and extracted from a bad dream,
did you feel me then, love?

how I sensed the moon trying to utter things
that I no longer believed in,
like mockery, and loathed the stars
for echoing what you meant to me
then bore from impossible things
the idea that I was alone.

you were September in my mind,
abandoning and sweet,
reflecting from beauty an endowment
I held all my faith in.

i kneel my pathetic soul
at a hallowed alter
ever broken, cold and alone.

you were always my idea of salvation yet
i've lost you--
you've gone,
you've gone,
you've gone.

tears stream with an unbearable sting
as i look to the haloed forms
trapped against those panes of glass.

oh, my beautiful angel, why?

while this may die in dreams of open view
and cast no praise unto my weary soul
my sweet, do not forget me when we're through
oh, please remember what once made you whole
the tender thought of us forever, dear
can never be, i beg you do not grieve
when first you realize that lonely tear
that from your soul there finds the wit to leave.

Whom on this night shall this poet write for?!
When anger and fortune take control and allow
That cycle of thought to form a task he implores
To deny him, how it reaches for him like bough
Besieged not for a chance of what life
Becomes a wonder within him but lies like a curse
Oh, to wear a crown of a king, wishes echoed polite
While hoping that feeling shall bring truth to immerse

your tongue
against every inch of my flesh would hold
my soul forever to passion

love would shimmer its light, time would stop,
i'd serve your heart, dearest dream

and then if you held me as though
there were no tomorrow,
breathed me in...
took me, took me, took me

i would surely sanctify
your alluring
figure

for oh, how i've always craved you

Author notes

after i wrote this one i thought "who would let a broken man toast?  

more along the lines of the love i have quailed
while dying to cradle every dream of you
so often in my heart these lonely dreams have wailed
an immeasurable depth which can be fathomed by few
my heart is for the way you always shone your deep soul
then lingered the essence of forgotten things
more along the lines of what would make us whole
while listening to the truth of how such beauty sings
we've grazed along the thoughts of all breadth and height
pouring the theme of each time we'd feel blessed
oh, more along the lines the very reason i write
of you my belovéd and the ways we confessed

what would you bequeath
in fair exchange to have me?

the seraph's sting is much too
changeable as mere crispness
in an eternal kiss

your lips remain far more beautiful,
fruitful, and igniting to the passion
you would once bare in my soul

what would you bequeath,
sweet lover?

your enchantment endures my hell
through the doting covenant
of reverie you created

divinity blooms the silken breath
which breathes into life by desire...
and in that i die --
how i achingly die

please, return with me
to Eden

i'm jealous of him...
looming in your every unclean thought
through day and night and
night and day while remaining more to you
than my fragile heart

he leads you through starving maggots
and in all your darkness,
bares your tainted essence
in all your more beautiful verses
[while holding that gleaming scythe before
your oblivious sight]

oh, i'm jealous of him... of course!
why does he get to haunt you when i'm the one
who was always selflessly willing to meet him
personally
for you?

it makes me wonder if the fact
that i could sacrifice my soul mean
anything more to you than ever dancing
eternity in his bitter grasp?

i'm jealous of him...
jealous. of. him.

dumb bitch.

your nipples are revealing through that white blouse.

how can i not want more
to embrace you from behind
and trace my hands along your stomach to feel you up?

i do.
a sultry dance.
you smile and turn to greet me with a soft kiss--
it soon swirls into
our breaths, in a pant-like pattern,
escape through our noses. closed eyes and
searching hands-- i crave you.

as i gently pull your hair you whisper to me
"i want it baby"
and so
my shirt agilely
falls to the floor...

i breathlessly yearn as you
touch your lips to my earlobe
and suck.

and i'm so aroused as you dig your claws into my jeans,
stroking ever gently,
teasing. biting your lip all the while.

soon, it's too much and you
unbuckle my belt while tracing your tongue
gently down,
down,
down.

i ultimately gasp, loving how your mouth
does all it can to satisfy.

through a restless tone of arousal i utter
"oh, suck it baby" then...
you unhinge your mouth and smile
that seductive smile.

without warning
i am shoved to the bed then
you alluringly tease me
by revealing only the upper part of
your midnight g-string

with ease taking it a step further
(i love the way you do it)
you slide your pants off and reveal
everything
below your gorgeous waist.

then as you
climb to rest your thighs on
each side of my hips...tilting your head to the heavens,
both hands on my chest, you move
in a motion that brings me
to inhale sharply,
passionately, ever
desirous.

a hungry moan invites me to go deeper,
and i grip you tight while you gain momentum
(we are inflamed now). 

the rhythm of my every thrust,
in sync with your soul is so, so
beautiful.

sweat glands gleam, tracing from your brow
down to the pubic area of your
gorgeous body.

the moment intensifies and oh,
i soon sense
those quivering hips and thighs
as you pull to my chest, emphasizing ecstasy until...
your breasts lay contently,
the sensation
runs it course through you, to me...
we are blissfully
released.

closed eyes, delighted breaths and gentler kisses followed by
a whispered exchange of 'i love you's' come after.

love has never been
like this.

i wail of love in solitude
and bare my soul for you
while sitting here deep in the nude
i wail my pain as true
from where you touched me once before
sweet lover of my dreams
i wail again forevermore
until allurement gleams
these nights have beckoned me to die
beneath my mortal guise
for how i ever often cry
from where my sweetness lies
and you are all i ever see
now that you are not here
i wail, i wail my misery
then shed my burning tears

in the wake of death valley
a fragile night had cloaked
beyond the very glimmering
of the patchy stars
above

those guns blazed starkly
in a haunting rhythm,
thunderous clapping,
my head remained
amid a haven
as i covered

the noise ignited a chill which
ruffled my soul and
beckoned fear to rest with me
in the wake of death valley

i remember the screams,
recall how the silence wailed and yet
couldn't fathom
the terror at all
[not in the least]

younglings reached desperately
for anyone who gave them
the slightest hopeless glimpse,
sirens screeched the death toll
and i swear i saw the visage
of a reaper walking through

i will live there with you, my love
as a disentangled apparition...
there
in the wake of death valley

it was unjust

when you chose to unwed
and impale our core
from what bond we ever, ever shared

moment after ruling moment
i was made to endure the pacifying contentment
of the murkiness in your heart

what have you done, sweet lover?

where have the days,
which have vaingloriously bled into the
ceaseless nights, taken us?

do you know --
do you know that it was always i
who tried to grant your scurrilous thoughts
sanctification?

[it's all you claimed to yearn in me]

but still
it was unjust

unworthy of you is how
you brought down the glorious tower of
my minds ability to encase you secretly
into valediction

so why -- why,
why have you abandoned the notion
that reveries can ignite eternity?

it's arbitrary to say the least and you
have more often than not
painted fertile darkness into yourself
for the sake of loathing me

how unjust... how utterly
unjust

and now
my every breath is excruciating--
to inhale the bitter rivalry of lust
and exhale memories
invalidate me

the traitorous behavior
of your soul -- furtive, and
so seemingly indifferent
have poured into my speculation

untwining myself from
my secret-self with ease
duplicates the theme of a
labyrinthine aim

your inky gossamer emphasized
arraigning to the limit of death

and you are so, so
audacious

i love you.