empirical shadows and beautiful light

i rouse the hard luck of my youth
inside my mind then paint it here
for all that i  now understand
it seems to  me that love is rare
the days have  come and surely gone
when i was but  a little boy
my world was  rough and filled with blame
for everything  within that void
no sympathy was  for me then
no solitude for  me to hide
my youth was  but a broken dream
by which a  tearful lullaby
was sung to  calm my weariness
and yet it  failed to sooth my heart
my angels could  not guide me from
the road on  which my soul embarked
with every day  and every night
i whispered  such a hopeful prayer
then closed my  eyes to dream again
into a  place of no despair

unfathomable
or so they say when i recite
each droplet of beauty i found deep
in your gilded soul

'til a smidgen of high finds my heart
while goose bumps
trace the depthlessness of my skin;
the very rock i knew and depended on
still remains only
you

and all my dreams lingered until...
oh, until you became
vacantly silent and refused
to tell me why; your blushing lips
closed tightly to the world

still i'll kiss you gently on your forehead
then whisper to you of our romance
so that it echoes throughout your
sweet breath of life, dear lover

it's crazy how easily someone so blameless,
so soothing, and fragile
could be lured into unhappy shadows

why didn't you tell me?
i couldn't have possibly
read your mind

but i watched as the blue devils
that haunted your thoughts
prodded through
then found the flaws which adorned
the nakedness of your secret self

i miss you and still
see us dancing in the rain,
my heart was more restless then
you became the voice that resonated in me...
do you remember?

but now as i sit here wondering if you hear me
i ponder whether or not
to expel my red essence
and if that could save me from this
hurt... the blade looks so, so friendly now

and while i quietly trace along the verge
of these mangled veins
my eyes let loose my teary spirit
and gift me with absolutely no previous comfort

'i love you...' is all i sense i can utter
as my fingers tangle violently
in my oily raven hair

and so, i do through the intensities of it all...
i love you and
that is all there is.